<Read in a warm, motherly voice>
Here at Kaiser Permanente, we embody everything any self-respecting advertising director should have learned in college. We promote our product in a way that seems ethically responsible and fosters good feelings in you poor saps that encourage you to keep spending your money. We care. We really do. Trust me, your good health equals profit.
So do something healthy, and don't be an asshole. Being an asshole increases your stress level, which has been scientifically proven to harm your immune system. When you have a weak immune system, it makes it much more likely that we will actually have to spend the money you send us each month to make you healthy again, and the big wigs really don't like that.
Be conscious of multiculturalism. Go green. Call your mom on the phone and listen to her ramble about the latest office scandal. Tell your friends you appreciate them. Eat right. Hold the door open for strangers. Get enough fiber in your diet and above all... don't get sick.
Here at Kaiser Permanente, we want you to thrive, because it negatively affects our bottom line if you don't. So seriously people, be healthy for God's sake, so we can keep making lots and lots of money.
<Disclaimer>
This ad was paid for by people who really don't give a shit about you, or themselves or their own families for that matter. All they really care about is the paycheck and the mortgage payment. Any view expressed in this advertisement is entirely that of Kaiser Permanente. So fuck off, stay healthy and mail your payments in on time.
Here at Kaiser Permanente, we embody everything any self-respecting advertising director should have learned in college. We promote our product in a way that seems ethically responsible and fosters good feelings in you poor saps that encourage you to keep spending your money. We care. We really do. Trust me, your good health equals profit.
So do something healthy, and don't be an asshole. Being an asshole increases your stress level, which has been scientifically proven to harm your immune system. When you have a weak immune system, it makes it much more likely that we will actually have to spend the money you send us each month to make you healthy again, and the big wigs really don't like that.
Be conscious of multiculturalism. Go green. Call your mom on the phone and listen to her ramble about the latest office scandal. Tell your friends you appreciate them. Eat right. Hold the door open for strangers. Get enough fiber in your diet and above all... don't get sick.
Here at Kaiser Permanente, we want you to thrive, because it negatively affects our bottom line if you don't. So seriously people, be healthy for God's sake, so we can keep making lots and lots of money.
<Disclaimer>
This ad was paid for by people who really don't give a shit about you, or themselves or their own families for that matter. All they really care about is the paycheck and the mortgage payment. Any view expressed in this advertisement is entirely that of Kaiser Permanente. So fuck off, stay healthy and mail your payments in on time.
Keep on keeping on buddy!!!
ReplyDeleteNicely said! But remember that we here at Kaiser Parmanente do care about you, the patient. It's just that we care about ourselves more. Just because you're lying helplessly in one of our hospital beds doesn't mean that we won't walk out on strike and leave you to rot. To us you're really just a hostage and means to feed our greed. So come and stay a while with us and we will show you how we care.
ReplyDeletePeople caring about people is an illusion an individual creates for him or herself to feed their own ego. People need to stop crying about being treated unfairly, life is not fair either do something about it or shut up
ReplyDeleteI don't have health insurance. ;)
ReplyDelete